Is Truth Subjective?

Dear Journal,
I have a question or three. Is truth subjective? When Pilate ask Jesus "What is truth?", Jesus didn't answer. I think it's because truth is subjective, based on your personal life experiences.
Did you ever notice a person's body language when they lied to you? They give away themselves all the time, if you know what to look for. But if the person doing the lying believes what he is saying, then he doesn't give any indication of it. Because to him it is the truth.
So perhaps truth is subjective. Some people like to use logic to cover up things and cause you to think their way. Which is fine if you like mental chess, but it can be awfully confusing sometimes. I suppose it's like memories, and dreams. They can both be/seem so real, while we are living thru them, but after we wake up, we know it was but a dream, and the memory is just something we lived thru again.
Take a fire-walker, for example, he can walk on a bed or red-hot coals, without getting burnt. I know I can't. The two sets of truth is based on perspective. His perspective is that he can, and mine is that I can't. We both know it's hot. So why can he walk on it and I can't? Because of his life experience has taught him that he can use mind over matter to be in control of what he feels and believes, and mine hasn't gotten that far yet. Which is not to say that I personally want to be a fire-walker. I don't. But I think it makes a good example of how truth can be subjective.
This little treatise is not so some people can say well, you did say truth is subjective, as an excuse for lying. I do and will know. Even if you believe it to be true.
Enough about subjective truth for now. Peace,
ravnone1

am I making progress? self-analysis

Hi All,
I sometimes I feel as if I'm not, even tho I know I am. I can see the progress I'm making, so why does it feel as if I'm not? Perhaps I'm trying to move to fast, even if I don't have to. I want to address a few concerns here tonight.
Headaches, feeling I'm not making progress, and feeling frustrated as if I'm stuck in a rut. The headaches can be stress related in part, but may also be because I feel the need to punish myself for not moving fast enough. Self-analysis, can be a wonderful thing. Although sometimes it can be painful. I know I'm always under stress, for a variety of reasons. I also know I have migraines sometimes when there are earthquakes. I would like to stop having headaches, but there is a part of me that is afraid that if I did, then I wouldn't have my abilities anymore. They are as much of me, and as natural to me as breathing. I know deep down that this isn't true. That if the headaches are gone, I will still have my abilities. But there is a part of me that isn't quite convinced yet.
Second point, that I'm not making progress. I can see the progress I'm making, even if it doesn't feel that way. So why do I feel that way? Is it because I won't be ready in time? Perhaps. But it might also stem from the fact that my parents weren't very supportive of me and my brothers, always calling us dumb and stupid. I do make stupid mistakes, but that doesn't make me stupid. and I hardly think I'm dumb. I must admit that I do often have what seems to be far out ideas. But that is ok, it just makes me unique. I am making progress, regardless of how it feels to me.
OK, third thing, feeling frustrated as if I'm stuck in a rut. I'm feeling frustrated because I feel as if things should move faster. This is related to the prior points. I'm not stuck in a rut, but it feels like it. I need to have a conversation with my sub-conscious mind to find some answers. As they say, and this too shall pass.
Here is another reason for my frustration. When I saw Charlie's pic on pof, I felt as if wasn't really him, but the person I see in person is him. The real Charlie, which is and yet isn't the man in the pic. It's rather hard to explain. And when I heard his voice, it felt like I was coming home. Charlie says he feels as if we have been together before, on other worlds or here in the past, I'm paraphrasing. I feel the same way. I know we have, even if I don't remember exactly when or where. I feel as if if each time we come together it is to take care of business because of something about to occur here on earth, or other worlds/places/times we have been together. It doesn't feel as if we really have time to 'be together', and I'm tired of it. Yes we work well together, but I'd like it to be more time. Like, we never have enough time together. I love Charlie so much, and I want all the time I can get this time around. I miss someone I don't even know who it is until I meet Charlie, and then it kinda all falls into place. It isn't even a case of 'getting it right this time around'. It's that I'm tired, and I want to rest with Charlie. There is so much to learn and do, and yet I have only a certain amount of time to do this in. So there are my reasons for feeling frustrated and for feeling like I'm in a rut. I'm not really. Love ya Charlie
Peace,
ravnone1

no rain, war and democracy, and reality

Hi all,
If you live in Avondale, then you know it didn't rain last night. It's now 5:55 a.m. and it hasn't yet. Oh well, it will eventually. Even if it didn't rain, it will eventually. A couple of hours of sleep just doesn't get it, so I'm tired. But I'll lay down when Deuce does. I feel good about things, but a little unsettled at the same time. Why is that? Because I'm looking at the bigger picture. And it just doesn't feel quite right, somehow. I'm not sure on what level, but it's like I'm waiting for something to happen.
Did you know? There's a hitch hiker on a pack of Camel cigarettes? Look real close, near the front leg of the camel. Don't see him? Must've caught a ride. lol.
That's an old joke my bro in KY told me years ago. There's a lesson to be learned there. Optical illusions. They can be a bitch, 'cause you think you see one thing, and you actually see something else. Or do you? Do you see anything at all? When we look at things, what exactly do we see? Does it depend on our own personal reality? A person who is having DT's can see a pink elephant. Everybody knows that elephants are not pink, and yet that person can see them. Why? What if I think the grass is purple, and the trees are orange. I don't. But what if I did? It doesn't invalidate you seeing the grass as green.
We have all been relying on others too much for our reality. It's a little like being stuck in a rut. An example: I go down one street and over two, just to get to the store. Now I know there is at least two other routes I can take to get to the same store, or even a different one if I choose. The operative word there being 'choose'. But I'm afraid something might happen if I choose to go a different way. Don't worry, it will. But I'm afraid of the unknown. Down one of the other two paths are the most gorgeous flowers mankind has ever seen. And there is a wonderful little park down the other street, that even has a petting zoo. But I don't know that, because I'm too afraid to change my route.
This is why so many people are stuck in a rut. Fear of the unknown. Such beautiful things might be just around the next corner. Yeah, there could be a monster lurking there, could be one under your bed, too. Oh I forgot, that's why you always sleep with the light on, isn't it? If I was afraid of everything, and sometimes I feel like I am, I would've never gotten anywhere. My mom says I walk where angels fear to tread. Of course that makes me think she just might be calling me a fool. So what of it? To face one's fears, and yet not let the fear be in control is better than letting fear control you. We all have decisions to make. We can either stay in our comfortable little rut, or we can face our fears, and go a different route. Look at the bright side, nothing ventured, nothing gained. How can you face yourself in the mirror each morning if you let fear control you all the time? Ohhh! That's why you don't have any mirrors, and I was beginning to think you might be a vampire. They don't like mirrors, ya know. lol.
All of us need to step back and take a hard look in our own mirrors. We, as a country stand for democracy and freedom. And yet, we aren't free. We tolerate so many things that take away our basic rights and freedom to make choices everyday. We aren't tolerant of other people's belief systems, even here in our own country. People still think witches worship the devil, and we don't even believe in the Christian devil. Some of the Islamic peoples are intent on making sure all people worship their god. Why aren't we all tolerant of the way other people believe? Do we fear that the other person's god might be stronger than ours? All thru history, mankind has waged war in the name of whatever god he believes in. We are supposed to be politically correct, accept aliens from other countries coming here, and taking away our resources. Now look, I don't mind sharing, but when people from other countries have more rights than Americans...that pisses me off, because it's fundamentally wrong. And what about smoking? That is my right to choose where I smoke. As a non-smoker, you have the right to not be in the same room as me when I'm smoking...so leave the fucking room. But as for outside smoking, that is just ludicrous. Talk about big brother trying to be in control! Because we let them. They have narrow minds, small dicks, and don't know how to use either...so they have to control something. They, of course, being big brother. And another thing about the war, it isn't necessary. If they want to run it their way, let them...we all need to stop sticking our noses into everyone else's business. Including countries. Hell, America isn't even taking care of it's own. But it can sure as hell take care of people from other countries. Charity starts at home, not elsewhere. I'm not against helping others, I am against being taken advantage of.
Peace,
ravnone1

earth changes page

Dear Journal,
I just had an interesting thought. Why don't I make a new web page that shows daily weather, and other earth changes, such as earthquakes, storms, floods, etc. Now that might be an interesting page. I need to find all the links, make sure I have permission to add the maps, and links to my page, etc. It would definately be an interesting project to accomplish. It will probably take a few days to code it and upload it. I'll keep ya posted on it. Or at least let ya know when it is up.
I've also got a couple of new sites. A yahoo geocities page, which I need to set up, it isn't ready yet, have to change the links, and a yahoo 360 page. That's in addition to a myspace page.
Out of curiosity, I did a search on google for ravnone1 just to see if I even came up, and there are 26 listings. Not bad, since I'm not really advertising. LOL.
Peace,
duk tayp, baby
ravnone1

dust storms

Hi all,
I thought it might be about time to post something new. Today, right now in fact, we are having a dust storm, which seems to be almost over. I like storms, they are cleansing, and they have a lot of power that can be tapped into if you wish to use it for magick. Just think! The awesomeness of a storm. I used to call up rain and thunder storms for my daughters, when they were small. But I digress a little.
I wish to analyze the symbolism of dust storms. What is a dust storm? A helluva lot of dust and wind. Which can be used to cover something else up. Like impending rain, if there is to be any. Which is cool, we need the rain. Besides, rain is cool. If you don't like rain, too bad. I do. Now I might not like rain if I were on the back of the bike, or even like dust storms. But such is nature, she does seem to be somewhat capricious at times. Oops! Guess I'm getting off track again. LOL. Oh well, as they say, stuff happens. The way I see it, storms are great for clearing the air, among other things.
There are people who are afraid of storms, people who love storms, and people who just tolerate them. I guess it depends on where you are. When I was driving, I loved the storms and rain, I just didn't like it raining so hard I couldn't see to drive. I asked the rain to slow down so I could see, occasionally it didn't, but most of the time it did. Now I suppose you are wondering why I menationed that? Real simple, it's part of being in control of your reality. Your reality isn't mine, and mine isn't yours. I love storms, and unless I'm riding, I'm going to ask for one when I feel the need for it. No, I didn't call up this storm, but I did wish it would rain. It hasn't started yet, but the sky is getting grey. I personally want the rain. Not cause I'm trying to be mean, but I need it. And frankly, I hope it storms, (thunder, lightening, rain...the whole nine yards) all damn night. Maybe then I'll feel better. Let the power of the storm cleanse me of a few things.
Anger for one. I don't have anger at one particular person, but at many people, so don't even go there. I want to let go of the old patterns, and create new ones for myself. We all need to let go of the past, if we don't...it can tear us apart. And anyone else involved with us as well. There are patterns instilled within our psyche, based on our life experiences...many of these patterns need to be replaced. But if we let the old continually interfere, we can't do that...well, we might can, but it will take a lot longer. There are different ways of doing a self-cleansing, but storms are my preferred way. And if I prefer to not call up a storm, I can always do a shower, or bath...or even send it down to mother earth and ask her to neutralize it and release it to be re-used. So there are ways to cleansing one-self. So while the dust of life can cover up a multitude of things, the rain always washes it away.
Peace to all,
ravnone1

hypocrisy

Hey all,
How ya doing? I wish ya peace, and love.
Twice in the last month, I have been accused of being a hypocrit. I looked up the word 'hypocrit', in case I misunderstood the definition.
MSN Encarta defines it as:
hypocritical- falsely claiming high principles: showing, originating from, or of the nature of hypocrisy
hypocritical (adj)insincere, two-faced, duplicitous, deceitful, phoney, false
And Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary says:
Main Entry: hy·poc·ri·sy Pronunciation: hi-'pä-kr&-sE also hI-Function: nounInflected Form(s): plural -siesEtymology: Middle English ypocrisie, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrisis, from Greek hypokrisis act of playing a part on the stage, hypocrisy, from hypokrinesthai to answer, act on the stage, from hypo- + krinein to decide -- more at CERTAIN1 : a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not; especially : the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion2 : an act or instance of hypocrisy
The Free Online Dictionary also says:
hy·poc·ri·sy(h-pkr-s)n. pl. hy·poc·ri·sies 1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.2. An act or instance of such falseness.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Middle English ipocrisie, from Old French, from Late Latin hypocrisis, play-acting, pretense, from Greek hupokrisis, from hupokrnesthai, to play a part, pretend : hupo-, hypo- + krnesthai, to explain, middle voice of krnein, to decide, judge; see krei- in Indo-European roots.]

Now that I know I understand the definition of the word, I will respond. The first person who accused me of sometimes being hypocritical, didn't remember one instance of me being hypocritical, the second person, says it's because I don't listen. Neither one fits the definition. I am tolerant of your right to believe any way you choose, but I refuse to listen to stuff that I've already covered. One can be tolerant, and accept another persons' right to an opposing viewpoint. I have been wrong lately, in bitching about people not listening. For that I apologize. But know this, if what you have to say is something I have already experienced, and questioned, maybe even discarded, then don't expect me to listen. But I will not apologize for what I believe.
Furthermore, this dance called life is wonderful. Even on my darkest days, I believe that. And, I really don't care if you believe what I believe or not. My 'job' is to learn and believe, not convert you. People do change their reality, which is a subjective term. Some don't even realize it at the time, but then start thinking about it and use that as a catalyst to change.
Hypocrits act one way, but 'preach' another. Since that isn't what I do, the wrong word is being used. No one is coercing you into reading what I post here. Everyone has had, and will continue to have different life experiences, based on any number of criteria. While what I believe may seem to be far-fetched, it is my right to believe it.
I am glad this happened tho, it was a reality check from 'my people'. I was concentrating on the wrong things. I need and want to concentrate on changing my reality. You are not what you think you are, but rather what you think.
ravnone1

reality; why?

Hey all:
Why what? Many things. Such as why is it called a drive thru when you drive by the window, not thru it? That one is from Charlie. Why do we take so long to learn things? Such as the fact that we are responsible for our own reality. Been there, done that. What to write about? Good question. I could write about my day, and bore ya. But I could also write about things I've been thinking about this week. There are things that are destined to happen to this world, and it isn't something that can be rescinded. While I believe we do create our reality, it has taken so long for mankind to even begin to learn the truth, that I think it is a case of the perverbial "too little, too late". Mankind believes God is in control of everything. In a sense, they are right....but the god in control is you. You choose how you want to live. Sometimes we don't know any better, but until we learn, we repeat the same mistakes. If we had been taught the truth from the beginning, things would be farther along than now. But due to man's arrogance, we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes, until the Universe decides it is time to raise mankind's consciousness whether we are ready or not. There are people who are more than ready, but there are many who are not. These people, whether they are Christians, or another religion, if they do not know the truth, they will think it is divine retribution by the Christian God. This isn't true, but they won't understand what is truly happening.
The reason we aren't taught the truth is really simple. Politics, control, greed. The only reasons to keep the truth from the "common" people. Besides which, if we knew the truth, they wouldn't be able to control every facet of our lives. If they weren't in control, they would lose a lot of money.
Sometimes, like today when we were on the bike, I think about things. Like people's driving etiquette. When you start driving, you learn very fast how rude people can be. You can be driving along, and then somebody just absolutely has to try to take your section of the road. Do you ever think, where do they get these people? Of course I think that about many people. Like people who lie, they think they won't get caught. No, I haven't been lied to recently. But when I'm on the back of that bike, I hate it when some asshole thinks he/she has the right to the whole frickin' road. Then I find myself thinkin', Are these people worth it? As much as I hate it, yes they are. Why? Because they are loved by the Divine Will as am I, and they are ignorant. There is no cure for stupidity, but there is for ignorance, because anyone can learn if they choose. Why do you people buy into all the lies that are propagated? Don't you have better things to do than believe all that crap? You might be a very nice person, but someone might call you a jerk. Does that make it true? Of course not. People are so afraid of change, and things they don't know, they refuse to believe the truth.
Hell, I'm tired of all this. Think about it. There has to be something in your life that you've changed just by thinking about it and believeing it could be done. So, go live your petty little lives, and keep on believing all the lies you wish.
As for me, I'm going to work on my own reality.
ravnone1

yesterday's post

Hi all,
I suppose some of you don't know me very well. Nothing happened. But sometimes I get to thinking of all the stupid stuff people do, all the lies we're taught and end up believing from the time we are born. So I bitch about it, and sometimes even discuss it with a friend. This will be a short post. Just wanted to set the record straight.
ravnone1

where is the world headed?

I wish people would wake up, and stop taking things for granted. There is no excuse for the way people are today, nor has there ever been. People who have been abused will seek abusive relationships because that is how they think love is supposed to be, but when they grow up and realize it is wrong, they stop the ludicrous behavior. Most people, from the beginning of time, have been taught various things.
We are taught many things from a variety of sources. Many of the things they teach us are lies, and most of them don't bother to check the validity of what they teach. We believe what we are taught because we don't question authority. Hey, if the 'church' says a thing, it must be true. Or the government, whoever. We don't question. We are taught not to question, as if that is the biggest sin of all.
The biggest sin of all, if there be a sin, is in not finding out for ourselves. So we propogate what we are taught to others, who in turn teach it to others.
When it all starts, you will think it's armageddon. You will run to the churches, you will fall on your knees and ask for forgiveness. Dear people, when will you ever learn that it just doesn't work that way? Look inside your hearts, ask yourself, what do you need to do? To remain in ignorance may be bliss, but not when it seems as if everything is falling apart all around you. As it will be.
We are going to move to a higher dimension, and we are going to leave all this non-sense behind. We will be going thru major earth changes, as well as physical, mental, emotional and spiritual chanes. There are people from other places, who live here right now, getting ready for the time to come. There will be changes, and we will help. We are gathering in all over the globe. It is our chosen path, to help you to ascend to a higher dimension, and to help you with the castrophies going on around all of us at the time.
ravnone1

the ocean, and the mountains

HI all,
Ya know, I really miss the ocean. Sometimes, I'm asked what my fantasies are. I don't really have any, not what I think of as fantasies. But if I do, it would be to ride a white horse along the edge of the surf. Bareback, because I have trouble riding with a saddle. Not that I ride much, hell I haven't ridden in years.
Horses, like motorcycles, represent freedom to me. Besides which, horses play an important part in my dreams. They know me when they see me, and they dance with joy to see me. I love animals, and many things in nature. I've often thought about going into the mountains, so far back it would take you three days to get there, and just staying there. No, I'm not thinking about it now. Could I survive? Yes I could. How do I know? Have I done it before? No, I haven't. I know because I am a survivor.
Some of my fondest memories are of running the hills in WV, when I was growing up. "Running the hills" simply means I spent a lot of time there getting to know the area well, and getting to know myself. The reason I explained that term is because someone once asks me.
Back to the ocean. I had never heard of Cape Cod when I moved there in 1988. On the map, it looks as if it is so close to the ocean, it's a wonder it doesn't fall into the ocean. I thought, please let there be trees. There are, a variety. Russian Olive is one of my favorites, but htey also have silver maple, oak, elm, different varieties of pine, and many others. It was one of the few places I felt at home. I learned a lot in Chatham, and met ,any interesting people. A few idiots too. I'm sure you know how resort towns are. Like on summer day when Joey and I were walking thru town. Three women were standing in the middle of the damn side walk. After about three minutes, I said "Excuse me." And they were real apologetic, but as I told Joey, "Damn tourists, expect local people to walk in the street while they stand in the middle of the sidewalks and talk." Yes I was rude. Some people don't deserve any better. You wanna get treated better, then treat others as you wish to be treated. LIke when we were driving home from Alan's today, some idiot in a white truck thought he was going to come over into our lane, while we're in it. How fuckin' stupid is that? Assanine bunch of crap. Hell, the road is for all who drive. Even when I did drive, I didn't pull this crap. I was aggressive where needed, but I didn't try to be a road hog. Oh, and when we were at Sam's Club, some bitch pulled out in front of us, she didn't even look. And then women wonder why people gripe about women drivers. Thing is, some men drive just as bad.
Yes I noticed I'm all over the board on this one. Back to subject, unless I think of other stuff I want to say. I msis the ocean, and I miss the mountains. But not as I once did. But I surely do miss Charlie. Hank Williams, Jr is singing "Eleven Roses" right now. I love roses and other flowers. Shortly after I started dating here in Phoenix, I ask the guys to try a little experiment. I would picture something in my mind, then tell me what they see. Not once could anyone pick it up, a few guesses, usually nowhere close. I pictured a single red rose in my mind. Since I'd not been doing this before, (the experiment), I wasn't sure why I was doing this. Now, I just think of something, and Charlie picks up on it. I think this is great. Marvelous even. It saves us from having a lot of misunderstandings.
When I lived in Chatham, I used to go shell fishing. It was the coolest thing. I loved wading in the ocean. On that note, I'll let you go for now, since it's 2:02 a.m. and I'm really tired.
Peace,
Nina

saturday's musings

Wow! My bro's birthday! Picked up a card, a 6 pack of Bud...only beer worth drinking, imo, ...went there, made him the candy I promised. Good time. Of course, anywhere I'm with my man is a good time...make that an excellent time. Went on the freeway, lost my bandana...lol. Shoulda tied it tighter. Live and learn.
He's been gone a few minutes, and I already miss him. He's only at work, I know this, but it doesn't make me miss him any less.
Tuesday, we take care of a couple of things, then hit the road for awhile. I feel the need to feel the wind in my face, and the sing of the road beneath the wheels. I feel the need for that sense of freedoms he gives me, and the sense of freedom I feel on the bike.
There has always been a time when I could 'hear' other people in my mind, but it was usually more feelings, or pics than words, although occaisonally it would be words. With Charlie, we constantly know exactly what the other one is thinking. It is so cool. We connect on so many levels. We touch each other on the core levels, as well as all other levels.
Enough mushy stuff for now.
Peace,
ravnone1

Friday..I would say...

Hi all,
Yeah, I would say tgif, but I since I'm not on a schedule, it really doesn't matter if it's friday or not. Gods, but I'm happy! My man certainly contributes to my happiness. I couldn't be more happy with him, if I tried. He's not perfect, any more than I am, but he's perfect for me. I was wondering, to a friend, a few days before I met Charlie...would I be able to actually live with someone after all this time. Especially since it seems to get screwed up a fair amount. In my heart, I know I can. I am usually restless after a little while, no matter where I am, and yet here I feel peace, I'm comfortable here. Maybe comfortable isn't a really good word, but it is a good start. I'm not constantly feeling restless, as if there is something just over the horizon I have to do, or somewhere I need/want to be. I don't want to be anywhere but with my guy. In my book, he's simply the best. And I'd go with him anywhere. He treats me as an equal, and my opinions matter to him. I know that my friends also value my opinion, but it's so much sweeter when your man does too. I know he truly loves me. As I truly love him.
And if you're wondering, fine, but how is this different than say...NM? Or any of the other relationships I was in, such as the one in VA? Easy. This one is a for real, I can and do implicitly trust him, if he says a thing, you can bank on it. I read people very easily, and usually there feels like something out of sync, although I don't say anything about it. I love Charlie, and he loves me. Like his bike, too . She's a real beauty. (Charlie, I didn't say that just for you. I said it because it's true, and besides, she likes me. lol)
As far as love goes, this man is my whole world. I do have friends, and will continue to keep in contact with them. He has friends, and will keep in contact with them. We didn't stop living because we found each other, but rather enhanced each other's lives. But as far as anything else, we both know the words, fidelity, honor, and committement. We intend to keep these words alive in our life. We are committed to each other. As far as I'm concerned, whether we actually get married or not, I am his wife, his mate, his woman...the one who sits in the bitch seat on the bike.
I suppose that's enough for now; I need to make a couple of calls, and clean house.
Peace,
ravnone1

Moving (again) lol

Hey, all
Hope this post finds everyone ok. I didn't post for at least a couple of days. I've been busy. Let's see you update a blog while riding a Honda. Told ya, I've been busy. Now I'm moving in with Charlie. This is really soon after the last guy, but ya know what? I always move fast. This time it isn't a mistake.
But in some ways, neither was the other times. If you can learn from the experiences you have, even if they were wrong decisions, then they aren't really mistakes. I prefer to look at them as learning experiences.
I know that some of you who read this post will think it's stupid. And you are entitled to your opinion. And, for those of you who care, it is greatly appreciated. However, when kindred spirits meet, it just clicks, and everything falls into place. I have waited all my life for this man, and I'm staying right where I am. There is no turning back for either of us.
I know that I've finally come home, after so many years. It has been a long, and sometimes frustrating road...although I've had fun on the way. I was a hunter, and now I'm hanging up the hunting jacket. Found the one worth keeping in my life. The love of my life. And that is all I have to say on the subject.
Peace,
ravnone1

website update

Hi...
YAY...finished the update. I felt that I was taking way too long. I've added a music clip to some of the pages. Also if it worked, I have added music to my blog. I have added a new graphic to the magick page...love that wolf...he is sooo beautiful. Took me damn near half the day to track down the owner, of the picture, and get permission...which was easy, because he had the permission as well as the code on his page. But I considered it important enough to seek permission, to find him.
Sometimes I don't sleep very much, being hyper or just have things on my mind. I went to bed late last night, although I'd been up since 5 a.m., and awoke at 5:30 this morning. This is my last day here, my friend's nephew is here to take care of the dogs now. They will have to get use to him, but I think they will be fine. They are fine dogs, once you and they get acquainted. I haven't had any problems with them. So, here I am, pleasantly tired, and yet wide awake posting to my blog at 7:06 a.m. I did think about laying back down, but I know that I will just be more tired. So, what's the point? As long as I can do whatever I need to do, I'm fine. A shower will help, and I will be doing that shortly...ok, within the next couple of hours anyway. Before I go home, most likely. I have had a mostly peaceful time here. And I will be glad to get home. But I know from past experience, I will be there for a little while, and want to be somewhere else. It just means I'm restless, always seeking that peace within. I have found happiness within, a long time ago. But not peace within...there are times when I feel the peace like a gently flowing river. Or maybe the gentle (or not so gentle) surf on the beach. Then there is a silence around me, like a shield, regardless of how much noise there is present. I really need to analyze this in order to rectify the situation. No, lol, I'm not going to bore you to tears with my analyzing. That would be rather mean. Besides, it isn't for you, it's for me. It's also a private process.
I think I need to go to the mountains, and commune with nature, earth, universe, or who/whatever I need to talk to. Although it really doesn't matter where I am, or what's going on...the answer is within. I just need to ask, then listen. Gee, Hon, ya think? Yeah, I think. Regardless of how my life is at any moment, I'd rather be me than anyone else. I like to hang out with me, and I amuse myself sometimes. Egotistical? Or just damn sure of myself? The latter of course...I might not can count on anyone else, but I can always count on me. I get it done. Always have, always will. Be writing more later,
Peace and happiness,
ravnone1
P.S. To my daughters, if you ever read anything I write, know this: Where ever I am, whatever I'm doing, you are always in my heart and mind, and I love you, and miss you.

monday's thoughts

Hi,
I have my website almost updated. Hope to finish up by this evening, since I will be going home either this evening or sometime tomorrow. I am covering a lot of new material, as well as integrating some of my thoughts with it, to make it easier for people to understand what it's like to live with ADHD.
I'm also writing a page about being from another world. Now look, I know this may make sound really way the hell out there. But it is how I feel. I know that people with ADHD feel alienated from society, perhaps that is all it is. Either way, I'm cool with it. I like the idea that I might be from somewhere else, where my people appreciate me for me and accept me as I am. Not because they have to, but rather, because people like me are a valuable part of society. As people with ADD and ADHD are beginning to be accepted here. When I was in NM, I read an article about there being many people in Silicon Valley with ADHD. Of course, now I can't find it. lol
We are needed, whether people like it or not. Because we are independant thinkers, dreamers, healers, visionaries...as I like to put it...I always rock the boat. We are people who think outside the box, see things differently, and march to the beat of a different drum. This world has become so stagnant, that the people are in danger of dying...from boredom if nothing else. Yes, people die, it's one of the hazards of living. LOL. Oh well!
Gods, but I feel great today..even tho I'm tired. I was afraid of oversleeping, so I kept waking up. I was expecting a friend to call me at 6 a.m., he actually called earlier...which is fine, I was up at 5 a.m. Damn, is that good or what? So, I'm getting there. I find it easier now to pick up on people's thoughts, and their feelings. Now, if I can just learn how to filter out the ones I don't want/need to feel. I'm looking forward to meeting him, he seems so different from the run of the mill guys I usually run into. It will be really refreshing if he is, in person, like he is on the phone and in chat. I need to make a cup of hot tea. I guess this will be a "tea" day. Help me to keep going. I would really like it if he calls me earlier than this evening...but I know he had a hard night at work...really busy. That is cool. He needs his rest. Love a harley man! Well, some of them.
Damn, I'm rambling again. Sorry, people. Guess I better get off here, so I can finish my web pages. They won't get done if I sit here and daydream all day. LOL
Nina

today's post

Hi,
This is just one of those days, when I'm tired. I was up till a quarter to three this morning. We all have decisions to make. I've decided to add a couple of pages to my web site, one about my take on walkins, the other about living with adhd. It may take a couple of days, so please be patient.
And now a few words to all you guys out there. There are plenty of good men around. Some are such jerks tho. Yes I sometimes talk sex with you guys, usually when you instigate it, and that's ok. I also like intellectual conversation, which I find stimulating. Some of you guys can't seem to see past the sex to the mind. I'm a person, not a sex object. And if I don't like the vibes I get from you, or you are disrespectful to me or to women in general, then I'm not wasting my time on you, sexually or otherwise. Yes, I do have a high sex drive, and I don't hide it, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to screw just anyone I see or meet. I'm sorry you have such narrow minds. And speaking of narrow minds, what is it with you guys getting all petty if I decide to not see you any more? You act as if I shouldn't have a choice. I mean, look, it's ok...in your mind...to do exactly the same thing, but I shouldn't do it. That is double standards. Which is bull, we're all human...we all have passions in life. And the ones of you who say 'I love you', and then expect me to 'prove' to you how I feel...well, hell! How would you like it if I did that to you? You wouldn't like it. Then you get petty because I refuse to play the game your way. I don't play games. I'm for real. I like my life, I pay my own way. On the other hand, if you are to take me out, then you should pay. You ask for my time, remember? It's old school, I suppose. Besides, the 'going dutch' thing is only a few years old. I expect you to open doors for me, to walk beside me, not a few or more steps ahead of me. If you can't have enough respect to do even that, you don't need to be in my life anyway. You definately need to know that the definition for the word 'no' means 'you may not do that.' Come on guys, where's your brains? When I say no, I mean it. I say what I mean, and mean what I say...I don't leave room for guessing. I want a real man in my life, one who has respect for women, who can accept me as I am. I'm not wasting my time with guys who have only the IQ to think with their dicks.
My best friends are male. They know me well, and they are real men. They can and do have intelligent conversations with me. They know I'm not all about sex. They know I have a real life, and that I'm happy inside, where it counts. I'm not going to let a few jerks, or bozos, screw that up for me. As a friend years ago told me..."Don't let them rent space inside your head." And I'm not, life is too short.
Now that I'm done with that little rant....know this...I do not think all men are jerks or bozos. I don't intend to let 'a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch up', as they say in the song. I would much rather spend time with a good man in conversation, because men have the most amazing, interesting things to talk about! Smart, intelligent, sexy...cool! LOL...can't ask for much better than that. Most of the men I know, prefer female friends. I have no problem with that, I realize we all have preferences. And so what of it? It's no big deal. People are people. I grew up with brothers, so I still find men intriguing.
Peace...seize the day and enjoy!
ravnone1

Life is like a chess game

Hey! How's it going? Great I hope, since today is the first day of the rest of your life. Each day lived is best lived to it's fullest, as if were your last. Eat when hungry, sleep when tired, and make love often. I have two favorite quotes, "I take requests, not orders." and "If I want a boss, I'll hire one and it probably won't be you."
I don't think anyone should try to be in control of another. Life is full of choices. And yet many people are stuck in a rut. They are afraid of trying to rectify the situation, it might be worse. It might be better. How are we to know unless we face our fears and really live. Let go! Live! Not just survive. I can understand the reason so many people stay stuck in a rut. I've been there, done that. When I finally decided this is bull! I refuse to live like this. Then I changed my life. It takes a lot of courage to take a stand and do what needs to be done. I had to learn how to think, to stop being afraid that it might be worse than it already was. I had been married 17 years, and had 2 kids. What if they don't like it there? What if I can't make it there? There was no turning back. They adjusted, they liked it. I didn't fall on my face, I did a lot of growing up, learned many things and I'm better for it. Fear cannot be allowed to rule. So make a stand. The most we have to lose is being stuck in the familiar. You know, new things are good. Stop being so static. When things stay static, they die. People lose hope, then give up, then they die. They get depressed because they can't seem to change things, make things better. Depression is anger turned inward. You're angry with yourself because of your seeming inability to do anything about the anger you bear another, whether it's a person, god, or even the universe. You feel as if you're just a plaything, maybe a pawn in some celestial chess game. Baby, it's more than that. You are a free agent, to do as you will. It's your choice, please think about it. Don't you choose what foods you like? Whom you will marry? Except where there are still arranged marriages. And even then, they often choose to love the person they're with. You choose to keep faith with your mate, or to roam. You choose to be honest, or to be a liar. To learn or to stagnate. Life is all about choices, and learning to utilize those choices. Learn to use your choices wisely. Life is like a chess game, but someone has to make the first move.
Where is the fun in staying still all the time. We must be constantly in motion, just as energy is in motion ceaselessly. This isn't to say that we can't settle down. We can, just don't settle for less than you want. Learn to think in a structured manner. Learn to be grounded and centered. Stop letting your emotions lead you. Lead your emotions, use them for constructive intent.
Learn to talk to yourself, about anything that you want. Learn to listen to what you are saying to yourself. The answers are there.
I haven't yet learned all I need to learn. I love learning. It's probably one of the reasons I have so many interests. I'm not afraid of taking a chance. Never mind the consequences...nothing ventured, nothing gained. And since I don't come with ownership papers, I can come and go as I please. Adventure awaits me, it's out there with my name on it. Ye gods! The fun is awaiting. LOL
Seize the day and enjoy!
ravnone1

earth's coming changes, and the dreams

Hi,
First off, I'll warn you this may be a long post. It involves three dreams, and my tying them in with the coming earth changes. So please, bear with me.
I have a few things to say about the coming changes. These are my personal feelings about them, and are no reflection on any one else's opinion. Today is Easter, when fertility is celebrated. There are many ways of being fertile...even a fertile imagination. So if all I have to say is in my imagination, then I have a very vivid, fertile imagination. Cool! But I personally think there is something to all this.
I see things sometimes, and I have dreams about things. Sometime ago I had three particular dreams and even tho I can usually figure out the meaning of my dreams, these ones have eluded me for years. I think I finally have at least an inkling about them. They seem to tie in with the coming events.
I will first tell about the dreams, the first one seperately, then the last two together so as to avoid confusion, then tie them in with future events.
In one dream, I was with a man who was my husband, but not my husband. (Which is always indicative of the future, in my personal dreams.) We were in a small airplane, either a single or twin engine. I know it was white. My man owned it, and we were flying when we developed engine trouble. We had no choice but to land. We were the only people on board. When we landed, we were in a primeval forest. There were people living there, dressed in skins...much as native americans wear. They were well made. These people had never seen an airplane before, and yet a couple of them were working to help my man get the engine fixed. It was beautiful there, the trees so tall and green, without any industrial pollution going on. In the evenings, we sat around a communal camp fire, ate and talked. I loved it there, and I loved the people. I hated to leave, and yet, I knew I had too. It was a matter of honor for me. I came with my man, even tho we didn't love each other any more. It came to the point where the chief's son wanted me to stay and was willing to fight for me...I couldn't allow this to happen. The man didn't own me, I did. I told the chief's son, if there was to be a fight for me then I would do the fighting. It was decided that knives would be used, they looked like old hickory butcher knives. If I won, then I would be free to leave if I chose. If he won, then I would stay. I knew that I needed to win, honor was at stake. We fought, and I won, but during the battle, I received a cut across the palm of my right hand. The injury did not stop the fight, there was too much at stake...even tho I was given a choice. I chose to contimue defending my honor. No one died during this fight, and no one was supposed to. These people knew what honor meant. After the fight, I asked one of the women to get the first aid kit from the plane. I had to explain what I meant by the first aid kit, but after showing her the size with my hands, and telling her the color, she brought it back to me. I opened it, and they were astounded at the gauze and other standard items in the first aid kit. I showed them how to use it, and gave them some of it, including the white surgical tape. To stop the bleeding, we used moss. As I had just finished putting the bandage on my hand, they came to tell me that we had to go, the plane was working now. I explained to the chief's son why I had to do this, but that I would always remember him. I went to the plane, and then we flew away.
Ok, here is what I think it means.
The reason that it has both a past and future overtone is because it hasn't happened yet, but the fact that I now understand it may be indicative of the fact that it is to occur soon, perhaps within the next couple of years. The man who was my man at the time, is future or very recently acquired boyfriend. The plane represents a mode of transportation. The primeval forest is how this planet looked in our long ago past, and what it will be again. Pure and beautiful. The people were primative, and in an older mode of dress, possibly suggesting that we will once again utilize all parts of the animals we kill to survive. These people may have been living in a primative manner, but they were highly intelligent. The fight was about honor and feeling that I'm worth fighting for. Especially to myself, even tho I sustained an injury. It wasn't life threatening, and it went on until someone won the fight. Sometimes honor has a price, which we are all too willing to forego for whatever reasons, as if that is a thing of the past. Honor still lives in some of us. I do remember the chief''s son, and I often think about him. I wish, truly, that I could have stayed. I miss him even to this day. But that would have been dishonorable. I remember thinking in the dream, that if there was ever a way to honorably go to him, I will. Knives are sharp instruments, used for severing things. This one was used to sever the way things are, the past; and yes there was blood let, which signifies power, a blood sacrifice if you will. This helped to set it in motion.
Now, on to the second and third dream. I was on a beach at a lake. This lake was situated in the mountains. I often went there to think. I was sort of like a priestess at the time. I may have been on another planet, this is what it seems to me. Even after all these years. The man was a very close friend, he seems to always show up in my life. He had come to say good-bye. The planet, our home, was being destroyed. Not all people on our planet could leave for new homes on another world. There were too many of us. So many of us were chosen, to stay behind to help those who would be going thru the transition. And many of us were chosen to leave our home planet, and come here to help when your time of transition came. While we were chosen, it still remained a matter of free will...to stay and help or go to a new planet and help. He chose to stay, I chose to go...because that is where we could do the most good. We each have our inherent strengths and weaknesses. All are worthy of being chosen. Unlike on this world, we had a sense of honor, we had integrety, and we had principles. That isn't to say that it is totally lacking her, but I have had the pleasure of meeting very few. The ones I have met, I am homored to call tehm my friend. I thin most of them are like me, from another planet, or dimension. I hope I don't offend them by my statement, it is a priveledge to know you. I am a humoid in a human body, having to live as a human. And yet I try to live up to the same things as I would do if I were home. A home which is no more. Ye gods! But I have cried bitter tears over the loss we sustained, but as many for what you earthlings will soon go thru. I've had friends who have seen me cry over things like this. Would I do it any differently? Only if my planet hadn't been destroyed. Have you heard of the concept of walkins? Not the hair salon variety. But spiritual beings, and aliens who inhabit human bodies after a near death experience or who have actually died. On a side note, I have met at least four, maybe five people here who meet the criteria. They may be, they may not be. But if so, they have their work cut out for them. They have exchanged souls with the earthlings who had had enough of this world, and just wanted out. In my case, when it was time to be born, my paternal grandmother tried to deliver me. I got stuck, to use my mom's term, and they had to take her to Doc Henson's clinic in Hamlin, where I was delivered. I believe I died during that time and was brought back to life during the birth process. I had a caul over my head, and my mom says there was a bright light light there as well. Maybe this is true, and maybe it isn't, but it fits the criteria, since I'm not much like my parents. Neither are my brothers. This would have been a prime opportunity for me to come to earth without anyone the wiser. I have adhd, and as such I often feel alienated from society...so perhaps that is all it is, but there are too many things that have happened in my life to totally believe it.
When the earth starts her labor pains, there will be tremendous upheaval. This will cause many to think the biblical apocalypse is happening. Don't believe it, it is the earth cleansing herself...after years of misconduct by earth's citazens, and rape. We are her children, and our Mother is in pain. Do you not feel it? Can you not feel her pain and grief? Will you stand by and do nothing? Not even shed a tear or spare her a thought? We are here to learn to create our reality, and we can, but the time is fast approaching when that decision will be taken out of your hands. We will learn the easy way, or the hard way. Too many have stood by, out of fear, or greed and let this happen. Now she is fighting back...I say "Bravo Mom...Way to go!!!" It's about time, but our mother is patient and longsuffering with her children.
When this starts, we who are from other planets, or worlds of existance, will be much needed. We are to help in as many ways as we are able. There will be may geophysical changes wrought in the earth, and there will be a shift in consciousness. All will be changed. We each have our own lessons to learn, one of mine has been to listen to my intuition and go with my instinct, not what I hope is, even if it means that someone will be hurt in the process. I feel your pain, since I am an empath...I also feel the earth's pain. The whole universe is changing, my friend. and we must either change with it or move on to another dimension to learn. For many, this is exactly what will happen. For others, their consciousness will be raised, which will enable them to more fully understand what is expected of them.
I leave you with peace, and hope for a bright new future, where people will live in harmony with our Mother.
ravnone1

musings, and easter

Happy Easter! It isn't a christian holiday, although it is a pagan holy day. Don't ya just love words? And their origins. I do, for instance...holiday is synonamous with holy day. Isn't that neat? I'm amused by many things, even many people. Even by life in general.
Every day, I am thankful for the people in my life, my family and my friends. I wish all of you a Happy Easter, and my daughters, their husbands, and my grandkids in particular. And in particular, those whom I call friend. I do not choose my friends lightly, and for those I do so desginate, it is for many reasons. One of which is that I find you to be honorable, and trust worthy. Those of you who know me, and are not included...then I guess you just didn't make the mark. You have to be a certain type of individual to be included. This is not to indicate that I'm a snob...I'm not, but I have certain criteria. We all do, even if there are those who refuse to admit it, even themselves.
Speaking of which, we all have things we seldom, if ever, admit to ourselves..let alone to others. This is why it is good for introspection. I think it drives some people nuts the way I'm always analyzing things. Magick is a good eye opener. If you don't know yourself, then how can you know magick? One must know the subject area he wishes to utilize. Manipulating energy, for instance. How can you manipulate it, if you don't know anything about it. That's like being a bear trainer, without having even met a bear before. I pity the fool who will try to do things without first understanding what he's trying.
Yes, I said fool, and this might seem really dumb...but I'd rather be a fool who will go for it, than a wise person who's afraid to try. That's not to say that I'm a fool, or even that I'm a wise person. I haven't met a bear in person, but then I don't think they need to be trained anyway...the only bears I've ever met were in my dreams.
We must always strive to be better, as a person, and at that which we try to do. I suppose most of you are wondering...Why do I not use the magick since my life seems so screwed up. Number one is because it isn't screwed up, and I don't use magick lightly. I don't live life lightly either. Magick is my way of life. I do use magick. I do as I feel I should. It works for me. I don't use magick like a bunch of parlor tricks. I use it for living...I read once that we are not what we think we are, but rather what we think. If that is true, then I am magick. Maybe the technique needs work? Nah, just refined...like me.
I doubt if this is making much sense to some people, but that is ok. It's just me rambling on this fine saturday morning.Do I wish things were different? Sometimes. When I do, I scrap plan B, and go back to plan A. What are they? You tell me. I'm just teh author of this blog. Actually I don't make plans, you make plans, the gods laugh. So they say. Actually, I just take it as it comes...except when I don't like the way it is...then I work on it, and most of that is mental working. There's no point in bitching about things you don't like if you aren't willing to take charge of your life and make it the way you want. I mean, look I'm the one responsible for how my life is. I've made many mistakes, and that's ok, I've learned from them. Now is the time for a premptive strike, an insurgency of focus. You must concentrate, focus, on that which you want...not those things you don't. I know from past experience, that whatever it is that I think I want, will come to me. I may not really want that particular thing, but until I can totally define it, which means all pertinent details are clear in my mind, I'll get what I thought I wanted. Not what I really want. So unless I am willing to take the time to get it right in my mind, I'm doomed to half assed attempts at what I want. This is true of any one. This is another reason it is important to get one's mind in order, and to learn all you can about yourself. What makes me do the things I do? Fine I did it because of whatever, so why did I think I needed to do that? Really? Why was that?
Shakespeare says to thine ownself be true. Someone else said know thyself. These are the best things to do. That advice is most important. If you give up on yourself, what right do you have to expect someone else to believe in you? Aren't you important enough to believe in? Hell, I believe in me. I don't seek or need the approval of anyone other than myself. And I sure as hell don't need anyone's permission to do whatever it is that I choose to do. Each of us, in our own, is special, even unique...regardless of where we came from or where we are right now. I seek, as an individual, to be accepted for myself, as I am. My friends usually do, it's the other people who don't. If I can accept you as you are, why not afford me the same courtesy?
I am not perfect, and neither are you. But we are supposed to be working on it. We are gods in tthe making, and that means we must learn to manipulate our reality to reflect what we want. Our reality reflects what we now believe, as we change what we believe, our reality reflects those changes. This is how it works, as simple and as complicated as it is. Our subconscious minds is what we use, it won't accept what we don't believe deep down. Our health for instance, our real self is always in perfect health, but what we believe is what is reflected in our physical bodies. We need to sow flowers, and good seeds in our unconscious minds, not weeds. By telling our subconscious minds what we believe, we are starting to reflect our beliefs into our physical reality. It takes time, for most of us, we have a lifetime of bad thought habits to reverse. To learn how to change. But this one of the reasons for this life, to learn how to manipulate our reality. To learn how to change our thinking. Thoughts are things not yet brought into manifestation. Jesus talked about faith. Except ye believe. Without a divided mind. This is exactly what I'm talking about...I'm jsut looking at it from a magickal point of view. If I believe I'm rich, it's because I am. But then you may ask, why then am I poor? What is your defination of poor? Monetarily? Yes...but I'm working on that one, Health, it's not bad, needs improvement...so I'm working on it. But I am rich in ways you may not see. I can multitask naturally, most people need to use windows or some other operating system. I love myself, just as I am. I like me, and as I read about a month or so ago in a profile..."hell, if I were sitiing next to me, I'd buy me a beer."
As to my making my business public, I'm not sharing anything I'd not share with a friend. Furthermore, many things I share with friends, I don't put online. Just because you read things here, don't assume that I tell all...I don't. I'm actually a very private person. There are things that I haven't shared with my friends, and there are things I haven't shared with family, boyfriends, women I've known, and even my ex. I didn't consider it their business. Anyway, in some of these instances, since I would be the one blamed, regardless of who was at fault...why bother? Seems to me it's a moot point. Now my friends, that might be a different matter. Even so, I'm not going to be a burden to them either. Seems as if some people think I'm a burden, even when I'm holding my own, and helping them in different ways. That is a losing situation, in which I'm not going to place myself. I prefer win-win situations. One is not a burden if they are making contributions to the relationship. So for those of you who think I am, think again. It's you who has the problem.
On another note, cowardice is an overwhelming fear of taking action. I have taken actions that have seemed foolhardy to some, even to family. In my opinion, a real man, or real woman, is one who faces his/her fears and does what needs to be done. So if that is a coward...seems to me someone needs to read a dictionary. I am in the habit of making a stand when in the right, of handling things my way, of taking action when needed..whatever kind is needed.
I guess it's time to stop the rambling...seems to me this is already the size of a dime store novel.
Again....Happy Easter,
ravnone1

cowardliness

Sorry people, but that is a defination that just doesn't fit me at all. LOL. I'm not going to defend a personal decision with any other response. The people who know me, know that I'm not a coward. Don't be so petty....be a man, cut your losses, suck it up and get on with it. You are too much like my ex. And that is the only explanation you're going to get. Period.
ravnone1

a few rambling thoughts

I was thinking, yesterday..it might be nice to have a harem. Never have to worry about someone to go out with it, just make a choice as to who. That might be fun. Seriously tho, (even if I was serious, and who's to say I'm not?), it might be fun. It has it's bright side, ya know. Hell, if we are 'serial' dating, it amounts to the same thing.
Yesterday, I studied, chatted and cleaned. More of the same today. I'm thinking I might move here...that would be fun, and I'd have plenty of privacy. I could get some serious studying done. I love life! It is so beautiful. And if you think I've not had my fair share of heartaches, then you are sadly mistaken. I have. It's time to have fun, make friends, learn more about the things that interest me. This is my time, now, and I'm going to make the most of it.
ravnone1

more about the bs

Where do we, as individuals, get off on letting people use us? Does it make us feel any better? In my case, no it doesn't. I absolutely detest liars. They are not to be trusted. If you can't get your life in order, then it's because either you're too lazy, or you don't care about it. I care about people. Regardless of who they are. But, guess what folks? I have a life, I have friends. I'm happy, both with my friends, and with myself. Life is great. There are a few things I would change. But most of those involved making bad decisions based on erronious facts. In other words, I was lied to. That usually costs me, in one way or another. And I gotta say, when this happens...as Mr. T in "the A Team" would say..."I pity the fools..."
I really do, sorta...tehy deserve whatever the universe hands out to them. I'm always glad when I'm not around to be in the fallout. I do as the Universe asks, and the Universe takes care of me. So it's a simple give and take relationship. Don't you wish you had one like that?
So I'm not perfect, neither is anyone else. But that's ok, because we learn until we are. I think the reason I'm like I am, and there are many others like me, is that the Universe needs us. Even your idea of God needs us. You see, the Universe doesn't create a nobody. We all have bodies. And we're here, all of us, for our individual purposes. I'm not sayng any more right now, so ya'll just come on back and read the next segment of this blog. Btw: I'm having fun with the dogs, who are sleeping right now. Meaning, I'm getting some things done. And I'll be studying soon. Magick, computers, linux..(had a lesson on linux networking this morning from a linux network guru), security, and anything else I need to be studying. I'm working on making my life better. What the hell are you doing?
ravnone1

what can I say?

I've decided, I'm going to give Dave another chance. I really do love him, but I am not going to be controlled by him or anyone else. You know, a person who seeks/needs to control another person has a fundamental flaw in their makeup. It's called low self-esteem. Because they can't control their life, they seek to control at least one thing in their life...usually their g/f, lover, spouse, significant other. They need to work on the way they feel about themselves. And to listen to what is and is not being said. There will be fewer misunderstandings that way.
I really do understand where he's coming from, and even why he felt the way he did. But it doesn't change the way I feel, either. I can control my life, thank you. I don't come with ownership papers, or even a leash. For those who think I do, get it thru your head...keep walking. I don't need you. I need an equal, not someone who can be easily led, or someone who seeks to lead. Yes I will come to you for advice, then follow my own, after taking yours' into consideration.
We all need to work on our past or other issues; if we don't, they have a way of knocking us for a loop. They did me. I felt as if I had been abused. I know, in my mind, and in my heart, that he did not intend this. And since I've been where he is now, I can be tolerant of his attitude...as long as he is willing to work on the issue. I'm not other people he's had in his life. I'm me. Ah hell...we all screw up at least once in a while. I do love ya baby. Miss ya too.

how the past can influence the present

Hi all,
You know people, you think you leave the past behind, and get it all worked out in your head, and then...wham...something happens and there it is, in your face again. I prefer male friends, I grew up with brothers, four of them, and no sisters. They talk about so many interesting things, whereas teh women I've talked to usually don't. Besides whihc, my male friends I can trust. The women friends, when I've chosen to have them, have always betrayed me in one way or another. Women are fine, but not as my personal friends. And it has nothing to do with sex. Many of the men I know, prefer women friends. There's nothing wrong that, either.
The problem begins when the person I'm with wants me to have/make women friends and forget my male friends. Or when they get all jealous and have a hissy fit over my going out with a male friend. It has to do with trust. Either you trust me or you don't. If you don't, maybe I shouldn't trust you either. You should be, ideally, confident enough in your self, to afford me the same trust I garner you. One of my boyfriends broke up with me for that very reason, I had men friends. He had women friends and he didn't trust me. My men friends weren't calling me at all times of the day and night, and yet his women friends were. My mate in nm expected me to make women friends even tho he knew how I felt. Now, the love of my life felt threatened because I chose to go ut with a friend instead of coming to his house for the weekend. I think this whole attitude sucks.
It seems as if every boyfriend I get seems to think I come with ownership papers. I have no intention of breaking up with Dave, but I am also not going to give up my friends. Only a fool gives up friends for their boyfriend or girlfriend. If the friends are interfering, then ask them to lighten up and back off. They might be wrong. My friends know that I'm an adult, with enough sense to see the truth. If they think I'm making the wrong decision, tehy may tell me, but they will still be my friend and respect my decision.
The whole thing is, I am an adult. I'm capable of making decisions, I don't need other people to make decisions for me. I know what the word honor means. I know that trust is earned. I know that love seeks to enlighten, not hurt. And yet, sometimes we are hurt by those we love and who profess to love us. Sometimes they do. And sometimes they seek to be in control of our decisions, out of a sense of loyalty or even mistrust. Why did I choose him over you? I didn't choose him over you, but since you aren't into some of the things I am, and my friend is, and I hadn't seen him in awhile...I chose to spend time with a friend. We drank coffee, ate and discussed many things. Especially magick, and yes you came up. I trust my friend's opinion. And he can play devil's advocate very well. He can also give me a man's point of view. You don't have to feel threatened by my friends. I'm the real threat you have to worry about. Because I don't put up with bs for very long. Either we work on things for real, or we end it. So, suck it up, and deal with it. Just as I have to do, and yes I know that it's my past I'm dealing with...but you are also dealing with your past as well. I'm not her. I'm me. Accept me for myself...not what you think I should be. Don't try to change me, don't try to fix me. I don't need fixed. If I do, I'll fix me...it's not your job. I love you, but it won't stop me from leaving you, if that is what I need to do. so be cool, and keep your head. I'm dealing with hurt and anger. But it is my hurt and anger. I am responsible for how I feel, not someone else. I allowed my past to come to the fore, because of your reaction to my decision to spend time with a friend. Life is about options. Now I'm dealing with it. But it is good, I think, because it shows me I still have unresolved issues about the past. So it is better to know and take care of it now, rather than later. Yeah, I know this a public posting...but I'm not trying to hide anything anyway. Besides, maybe it might help someone else.
Blessings,
ravnone1