Tuesday, May 8, 2007

it's been how long?

Let's make this a dear journal entry,
It's only been a few days. I can't see him, or touch him, except in my mind. I can still see him, and hear him in my mind. I can feel his presence. Which is a godsend. It feels like it's been forever. I miss you Charlie.
I use to wonder if I would ever find someone who accepted me for me, and would still love me enough to stay with me. I also use to wonder if I even knew what true love feels like. If I didn't then, I sure as hell do now. They say love heals all things, so why does it have to hurt so much?
I'm fine, except when I'm not, to paraphrase a song. I do well, then get hit in the gut, ya know? I don't know how to deal with this, and yet I am dealing with it.
You know, I believe there's a reason for everything that happens. In that case, at least one of the lessons I've learned is how love feels on this level. This kind of love.
I have a wonderful network of friends who are there for me, and they have been such a big help to me. If not for them, I would probably totally lose it. I thank all of you for your concern, your caring, and your support in this period of my life.
I have been touch with my family, and they are also supportive. My daughters, Eva and Joey, are in touch with me...although Joey is contacting me thru Eva. At least they are talking to me, which I really appreciate. Eva thinks I should mention the fact that I adopted out 2 daughters, and had a miscarriage, which would've been a son. I think it's a moot point, but I did mention it, and so there. Why the hell that should be, I've no idea. She says what if they should see it sometime? They know where I am, or at least they know people who do know where I am if they should like to contact me. They choose not to, so why should I talk about them? Choices were made, it's in the past, and there's nothing to gain by talking about it. My brother, who lives here in AZ, is very supportive. He liked Charlie. He also likes the rest of my friends.
Some of the guys I've dated wanted me to lose the friends, so to speak. I refuse to leave my friends just because of a guy I'm dating, and besides I like talking to them. Charlie never had a problem with me talking to my friends. They are here for me now, so I am truly glad I kept them in my life, and that they allow me to share their life. They are, each and everyone of them, very wonderful people. I am so blessed to have these people in my life. Love all you guys.
I miss my family, meaning especially my daughters, and grandchildren, but I need to be here in this place at this time. I love you Joey, Codie, Patrick, Annie, and Kat. I love you Eva, Chris, Haylee, Nathaniel, and Emily. I even miss the sons-in-law, Mike and Paul. Peace to us all.

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