Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Thursday, February 19, 2015

I  was in the mood to watch a movie or two and take a break from everything. I watched "Angels in the Outfield" at this link. Then I wanted to watch an angel movie. I found "The Christmas Angel", at this link.
I know this is February, and that Christmas has already passed. So what? If it's the Spirit of Christmas we're supposed to honor anyway, why not have the Christmas Spirit all year? Hence me watching the movie. It is a really sweet movie. I think you'll enjoy it.

On a separate note, I'm thinking of getting my A+ certification and also the Security+ certification. Both are through CompTIA. I get calls from family members, and occasionally if I'm talking to a friend they will ask my opinion about how to resolve a computer problem. I've been involved with computers for 20+ years, since 1989. Maybe it's time to get my certs and make some money doing something I really love doing. Also I write articles and I have an Associate's in Web Design, although the course was for Web Design and Development. I didn't quite pick up on the Development part very well. So I'm doing what I do best, teaching myself with books.

I actually started to learn to program back in '89; I wasn't very good at writing code, but I could take the examples that came with Quick C and really make it rock. I did the same thing with QBasic, although the first programming I started to learn in was GW Basic.  I then started gravitating to C, and could actually write a program, and even told a couple of guys the entire code to make a short program that kinda went beyond 'Hello World". I then had to write it down, because he wouldn't have been able to remember all the lines; his words, not mine. There were probably 10-15 lines. Then in '98, I moved back to WV and most of the people I ran into either didn't code or were of the opinion that women didn't know how to code. Unfortunately, I forgot most of what I had learned since I had no support system. I hope to change all that with learning to program.

I have been so depressed, oppressed and feeling hopeless for the last couple of years. Since my mom died and as usual I was left to clean up the mess. I'm sure most people wouldn't agree with that assessment, but since I'm the one who knows, it really doesn't matter. Also there's the fact that I've had a lot of demonic activity which I've been slowly getting rid of. Yes, I'm a Christian. I just got to the point that there just wasn't much that seemed to matter. I mean there is a lot that does matter, but sometimes it just feels that way. In case you're thinking that I'm having a nice little pity party, I'm not. I don't really care if that's what anyone thinks or not. What you think is your business.
"Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." 1 John 4:4
I know that it's easy living here in KY when I want to be up North, closer to my daughters and grand children. It seems like every avenue that I was trying to utilize to get there was being barred little by little. Of course, you could argue the point that perhaps it was God, the Great Creator that was hedging me in to keep me here. You might even be right, but I don't think so. 

I've had a couple of dreams about giving up, which I refuse to do. In the first one:
 
"Now, when you get called to the office, you just know you’re in trouble. I dreamed that I was escorted to an office and given a seat. To my left was a very nice desk. The man, who was nice looking (but perhaps not so nice) had a chair placed so that he sat across from me, and the desk was to my left and in front of me. There wasn’t anything between us, so it was if I were to be made to feel comfortable.
I don’t know who he was, but I felt that I should not respond to anything he said.
Here is the conversation we had, which was all one sided:
“Since my father isn’t around anymore, it’s now up to me to figure out what to do with you.”
“What we can’t figure out is why you haven’t given up after all we’ve done to you.”
I had no idea what he was talking about, nor even who he was, but felt that I needed to keep my mouth shut. You don’t want to give unnecessary information to the enemy, Since I didn’t know him, and based on what he said, I figured he was the enemy."

Here is the second one:

"I was walking a dog in the snow, and was on my way back to the house when a man (angelic being?) came running up to me, took hold of my arms and said to me, “If you give up, I’ll kill you!”"

I know I've been hampered by the Python spirit for the last few years, among others; although I didn't know that's what it was for the longest time. One night I was awakened by a furious roar. I knew it was a demon, and I knew it was furious because it couldn't get to me. Thank God the Father for his mercy, his kindness and his protection. 

How does all this tie in together? I ask the Father what I'm supposed to do and shortly after that I received a call about the A+ certification. Perhaps things will come together for me to do what I'm supposed to do now. We'll see. Thanks for reading. YOu're welcome to comment.



Wednesday, June 4, 2008

gypsy lady?...

Hi All,
It's been awhile since I wrote. I didn't see anything much to write about, well...that's not totally true, I've been writing, but there wasn't anything I wanted to share with everyone. Now there is...
As you know, those of you who read my blog, I've moved back to my mom's. It's been good here, for the most part. Now I'm ready to leave again.
When my kids were growing up, it was their time. Now, it's my time. My time to live life on my terms and live it the way I choose. Of course, I've pretty much done that anyway, just more so now.
I've met someone who I really care about, if fact I'm in love with him. So, my life is with him now, and shortly I'll be there. This man is as much a part of me as Deuce ever was. And no, it isn't the same thing.
I've a had a few close calls over the past year, but I don't think this is one of them. My mind is at ease. I have made up my mind and I'm going, unless he comes here first. Either way, I'm happy. Isn't that part of life? The pursuit of happiness? Among other things. I am already happy inside, and he adds to it.
For awhile now, I've been a little depressed, and even sad some days. I've managed it so as to not let it get me down. I was also hyper, although not maniacal, thank heavens. So, I started drinking coffee with caffeine, although my mom and bro both drink decaf. I prefer the caffeine, and find it really great for controlling the hyperactivity. At least it isn't speed, legal or otherwise. I really don't like Ritalin, and I don't want to try any other adhd related meds. Besides, when I was on Ritalin, I went into the overdose level really fast, even tho they were watching me with it. But I was becoming immune to it so fast, and they had to keep increasing the dose every couple of months. Finally I said the hell with it, and went off it. I would much rather treat this myself thank you. Sometimes doctors are great, and they have both the sense and the courtesy to listen to the patient. Some don't, and they are the ones I try to avoid. After all, it is my brain and my body. I live in them 24/7 and I should know what goes on there. They don't. If they don't choose to listen, then I'm not wasting my time with them. I know they know their business, since they're trained for it, but by the same token, I've lived in my body and brain 51 years. So it isn't as if I'm totally in the dark about it.
I wish you all peace, love and happiness,
ravnone1