Monday, May 21, 2007

2nd post today

Dear Journal,
Sometimes I wish my life was just a little different. But what is the use of that? It wouldn't change anything. I'd still have things I have to do, which I'm glad to do, but still, there are things I'd change. OK, so what would I change? And why am I talking about this anyway? I am happy, and yet I'm restless. How can I be restless and happy at the same time? Some would say that I'm just kidding myself. I'm not, I know, because I've been here before. It just means I'm getting ready to leave, and that I'm doing a lot of introspection. I want to do more camping wherever I end up, and I need more time away from groups of people. I want a mate, but I don't want to be around a bunch of people. How can I think with all that noise? How can I do what I need what do with all the interference? There is just so much I can do with interference. What I need/want is usually what I get. Although there are times when I can't get anything done because of my letting things get in the way. I often phrase it as need/want...because if it's something I want, it is usually something I need.
I just had a great conversation with a friend. I missed talking to him this morning, and last night, but I had already made plans. Still, he intrigues me greatly. I can't help but wonder where this might lead.
I know how to be alone without feeling lonely. I know how to survive. I'm beginning to wonder where my path leads. I don't have a definite direction yet...I mean I have a general idea of where I mightgo, and that is to another part of AZ, or maybe to WV or NH.
I just have to wait and see. I would like to see my kids again, although they live in two different states, but I'm not adverse to staying in AZ if that is where I'm supposed to be. My 'kids' are already grown up, married, and have kids of their own, so they're not really kids anymore. While they do need to grow, as do we all, I am proud of them. I don't really care what state I'm in, as long as I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, I have a few true friends, and have either a mate or at least someone to date. Hell, I'm not that hard to please. At least I don't think I am. I'm not willing to settle for less than I want, when I can be selective. He has to be a strong man, but who also has a gentle soul. He has to stand for something, or else, like the song says, he'll fall for anything. In other words, he has to have principles. He has to accept me as an equal, because I'm not following anyone. I'll not lead him either, so he'd better be self-assured.
Damn, sounds like a dating ad. It isn't, just a little rant perhaps. I just write what I feel I need to at the time.
I guess that is enough for now. Peace to all of you who read this.

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