Sunday, May 6, 2007

Hi All,
This is a pic of my Charlie. This was taken in the apt complex where we lived, and where I now live if things work out the way I wish.
I really miss him, and this is really a letter to Charlie, also known as Deuce and Ezryder. I promise to be nice about it. Or I should say as nice as it is possible to be, for me. This is one of the ways I"m coping with this traumatic loss I've experienced. So please , bear with me as I crawl my way out of my own personal hell.
Duk tayp, baby, no geese, forever. I miss you and I wish you were here. There will never be another you. Nor even anyone close to what you are like. You're a good man Charlie. I have no regrets, and no bad memories. Yes we did argue a bit, and for that I'm sorry. I did trust you implicitly, babe, so you needed to trust me as well and not jump to conclusions about my leaving. Like I said, I'll never leave you. I didn't either, but you left me, even tho you said you wouldn't. You put a burden on me, my love, by asking me to not let you fuck this up. That isn't my job, it's yours. I wouldn't have left you without telling you sweetie. I know you know this deep down, even when you were worried about it. I'm a woman of my word, and I keep it, to the best of my abilities.
When we met, for each of us, it was like coming home. We had a connection like no bodies' business. This bond seems to both of us to have been shared over many lifetimes, maybe even different planes of existence or different worlds. I ask why you had to leave me so soon, I was told that it is because of divine will's plan, he has bigger plans for me, I didn't ask him to, so why should he. Did the divine will ever think I might have my own plans? Doesn't matter, because I didn't have any plans anyway. I try to be alignment with the divine will, don't always succeed, but I try. What bigger plans? He won't say, just says, "you'll see." Can't wait to see it implemented.
Deuce, I really love you, yes it is in the present tense. I know some things are not meant to be, but my question is why? Sometimes there is an answer, sometimes there is no answer. Maybe I'll know someday, maybe I won't.
I guess I'll end this post now.


Anonymous said...


People come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime.

When You figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

...When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any worng doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

...Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

...When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

..They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But only for a season.

...LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; Those things that you build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant...

Thank You for being a part of my life....

(for U to read at Charlie's service)

fellow biker & 'clamdigger'.......

ravnone1 said...

Dear clamdigger,
Thank you for your wonderful thoughts. Last I heard, there is to be no funeral service, so I think I'll just have a long neck Bud, and toast Deuce (ezryder).