Sunday, May 6, 2007
This is a pic of my Charlie. This was taken in the apt complex where we lived, and where I now live if things work out the way I wish.
I really miss him, and this is really a letter to Charlie, also known as Deuce and Ezryder. I promise to be nice about it. Or I should say as nice as it is possible to be, for me. This is one of the ways I"m coping with this traumatic loss I've experienced. So please , bear with me as I crawl my way out of my own personal hell.
Duk tayp, baby, no geese, forever. I miss you and I wish you were here. There will never be another you. Nor even anyone close to what you are like. You're a good man Charlie. I have no regrets, and no bad memories. Yes we did argue a bit, and for that I'm sorry. I did trust you implicitly, babe, so you needed to trust me as well and not jump to conclusions about my leaving. Like I said, I'll never leave you. I didn't either, but you left me, even tho you said you wouldn't. You put a burden on me, my love, by asking me to not let you fuck this up. That isn't my job, it's yours. I wouldn't have left you without telling you sweetie. I know you know this deep down, even when you were worried about it. I'm a woman of my word, and I keep it, to the best of my abilities.
When we met, for each of us, it was like coming home. We had a connection like no bodies' business. This bond seems to both of us to have been shared over many lifetimes, maybe even different planes of existence or different worlds. I ask why you had to leave me so soon, I was told that it is because of divine will's plan, he has bigger plans for me, I didn't ask him to, so why should he. Did the divine will ever think I might have my own plans? Doesn't matter, because I didn't have any plans anyway. I try to be alignment with the divine will, don't always succeed, but I try. What bigger plans? He won't say, just says, "you'll see." Can't wait to see it implemented.
Deuce, I really love you, yes it is in the present tense. I know some things are not meant to be, but my question is why? Sometimes there is an answer, sometimes there is no answer. Maybe I'll know someday, maybe I won't.
I guess I'll end this post now.
- Nina Slone has worked at many types of jobs; currently she is editing books and writing articles as well as studying for A+ Certification. While she used to write reviews for O'Reilly's Blogger Review Program, they stopped the program. She likes to paint, draw and sketch. Her favorite tools are charcoal, pencil and oil paint. She loves modern or smooth jazz and many other genres of music. Mother Earth Beat, David Sanborn, David Arkenstone, CCR, Bob Seger, John Fogerty, David Allen Coe, etc. She loves the mountains as well as the ocean. She is a Christian, and lives her life accordingly.