Monday, May 14, 2007

nothing in particular

Hi All,
Today is Charlie's funeral. Even tho I was told there wouldn't be one. I hate this kind of BS. But that's OK, what goes around, comes around. I didn't need all the BS from his family. If they don't want to accept me, that's fine. I don't care.
I invited them to stay in our home, after his accident, and yet they treated me like I was an interloper. So what? I'll get over it. I've felt lousy all day, tired, a headache, and just plain tired. Then I remembered, it's his funeral today. OK, enough anger, I think. Time to move on.
This post will be about what I'll miss about Charlie. I won't hear his voice, or see his beautiful eyes. I won't see his wonderful smile, and I won't ride on the back of 'Lil Bit' ever again. I will remember all these things tho. In my mind, I will hear Charlie talking to me, I will see his eyes and see his smile. I will feel his touch, and ride his bike in my dreams and in my memory. Such a poor excuse for the real things, and not even an adequate substitute. But since it is all I have left, I shall always cherish them.
We all seem to live in memories at one time or another. It is one of the things that help us to cope with loss. It is also one of the things that is left us, when we are faced with such a loss. Charlie was my world, even tho there was room for friends and family. I am being realistic, even tho I know that some people think it's all BS. Regardless of how many times I fall in love with someone else, there will never be another love like this. No other person will ever touch me on the levels that he did.
Duk tayp, Charlie...and like I said a couple of times, sometimes duk tayp isn't enough. For this thing, your death, there isn't enough ducks in the world to make enough duk tayp to help me with this. If I had a long neck Bud, I'd raise the bottle and toast you, my love.

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